Most parents want their children to have a healthy sense of self esteem, but are they aware that it plays a major role in laying a solid foundation for a child’s development?
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is basically how we feel about ourselves compared with others. It is the collection of beliefs or feelings we have about ourselves, our self-perceptions. How we define ourselves influences our motivations, attitudes, and behaviours and affects our emotional adjustment. In fact, it is believed that low self-esteem could lie at the bottom of many of society’s problems.
Patterns of self-esteem start very early in life. For example, a toddler who reaches a milestone experiences a sense of accomplishment that bolsters self-esteem. For example, learning to roll over after dozens of unsuccessful attempts teaches a baby a ‘can-do’ attitude. The following five tips could go a long way in developing your child’s self-esteem.
1 Watch what you say
Kids are very sensitive to parents’ words. Remember to praise your child not only for a job well done, but also for effort. But be truthful. For example, if your child doesn’t make the auditions for the school play, avoid saying something like, ‘Well, next time you’ll try harder and make it. ‘Instead, try ‘Well, you didn’t make the auditions, but I’m really proud of the effort you put into it. Reward effort and completion instead of outcome.’
2 Be a positive role model
If you’re excessively harsh on yourself, pessimistic, or unrealistic about your abilities and limitations, your child may eventually mirror you. Nurture your own self-esteem, and your child will have a great role model.
3 Be spontaneous and affectionate
Your love will go a long way to boost your child’s self-esteem. Give hugs and tell kids you’re proud of them. Pop a note in your child’s lunchbox that reads, ‘I think you’re terrific!’ Give praise frequently and honestly, without overdoing it. Kids can tell whether something comes from the heart.
4 Give positive, accurate feedback
Comments like ‘You always work yourself up into such a state!’ will make kids feel like they have no control over their outbursts. A better statement is, ‘You were angry at your sister. But I appreciate that you didn’t shout at her or hit her.’ This acknowledges a child’s feelings, rewards the choice made, and encourages the child to make the right choice again next time.
5 Create a safe, loving home environment
Kids who don’t feel safe or are abused at home will suffer immensely from low self-esteem. Always remember to respect your kids.
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Psychologist Dr. David Carey offers some words of advice, “the best thing you can do is give your child regular injections of encouragement. Always notice when they are working hard to do better, trying to improve themselves and trying to succeed. Let them know you are proud of the energy they are spending trying to improve. Using encouragement is more useful than praise. Praise can only be given when a child succeeds. A lot of discouraged children feel that way because the adults in their lives focus too much on mistakes and not enough on a child’s effort to do well.”
For more info: www.davidjcarey.com
Finding Professional Help
If you suspect your child has low self-esteem, consider professional help. Family and child counsellors can work to uncover underlying issues that prevent a child from feeling good about him or her self.
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