Ted Tierney Vice Chief Executive of Mental Health Ireland answers your questions
Q: My 32-year-old wife lost her job last year. She has gone from having a high salary and high profile job to nothing. She’s been on the dole and spends her time on online and drinks during the day. It’s affecting our relationship badly and I can barely cope myself . I am under pressure in work and I really don’t know how to deal with this problem. I just want to help her.
Ans: I am sorry to hear that life is proving most difficult for you and your wife at this time . I know that this is a stressful time for you, in particular, and that you may feel like venting your frustration on your wife but this is the last option you want to take under these circumstances!
This is a time that your wife needs help, she needs you to point her in the right direction in a gentle, caring way. In her current mind frame, she is vulnerable. She has lost her job and with that her sense of self. It is also a time you need to be proactive in trying to help her set some realistic goals in order to get her back on her feet. In her frustration, she probably has no interest in going outside the house and may feel that no employer is interested in looking at her résumé, let alone offering her an interview.
Consider asking a good friend of hers or a family member to intervene, as sometimes taking advice from someone we are emotionally attached to is the most difficult thing to do! She may even resent you for still having your job, so tread carefully, giving her time and space and utilising the supports you both have, be it family or friends. The following tips may help to get your wife back on track.
Coping with unemployment strategies
> Take good care of yourself. It’s important to consciously pay attention to your physical, mental and social well-being at this time. This involves ensuring you are eating well, not drinking excessively, keeping physically active and maintaining contact with friends and family. Developing positive habits can play a major role in regaining self confidence and moving ahead. When you do get a job, you want to be in good shape for it.
> Reach for support. We all need to share our burdens, when we do, our problems can seem less difficult. Talk to your family and friends with the issues you are facing. Their care and support can help you cope. They can offer valuable suggestions and may even assist you in your search for a new job, updating your CV etc.
> Ask for help. If you feel too over whelmed, talk to your GP about other supports. Job loss can affect your health so it’s important to act early if you are feeling the stress and strain is getting too much.
> Organise your day. Establish a daily schedule including a regular time for job search activities.
> Set daily goals. Go for a walk, go to the library, and call a friend.
> Use your networks. Tell everyone you know what kind of work you are looking for, and ask if they know of any jobs or any companies that employ people with your skills. Remember, many people get their jobs through ‘word of mouth.’
> Keep busy and stay active outside your home. Isolating yourself at home will not get you a new job and can lead to additional mental and emotional stress.
> Reward yourself on a regular basis for your efforts. Build in opportunities for fun and laughter. Meet your friends, bake delicious cakes, go out for walks, discover your locality.
> Make a plan. Before you go to bed, prepare a written plan for the next day. It will give you a reason to get up in the morning.
> Consider a career change. Check into new career opportunities or the possibility of continuing your education.
MORE INFO
www.mentalhealthireland.ie
www.unemployedireland.com
Blindsided: Financial Advice for the Suddenly Unemployed – Edie Milligan, Alpha.
www.amazon.com
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