If you’re struggling to get on with your in-laws you’ll appreciate Mary Curran’s following tips for building a better relationship

Getting married is usually one of the happiest days in your life. However, you also need to realise you do not just gain a husband/wife but a whole side of the family you did not have before. Very often the relationship you have with your In-laws can directly affect the relationship that you have with your spouse.

In the past in Ireland, some mothers mollycoddled their sons. Later in life when these boys became men and married, they held the same expectations of their wife. They would use expressions like – “Well my mother always did it this way, or my mother always picked up the underwear and made the beds, etc.”

You must always remember that you fell in love and married this person and not their parents. Some people when they marry, experience in-laws who love them. However, should you not be their favourite person in the world there could be arguments, resentment and sometimes even hatred.

Here are some tips on how to get on well with your in-laws, while staying true to your values, beliefs, and maintaining your boundaries.

1 KEEP AN UNITED FRONT

Like in parenting, when parents find they need to discipline their children it is imperative that they keep an united front, this also stands when it comes to dealing with in-laws. When you both have a moment, you can explain to your families, in private that you choose your partner out of love and if they love and respect you, they need to respect your choice and your partner. Sometimes, the person with the primary relationship (the son or daughter, not the in-law needs to step in and resolve the conflict).

2 ALWAYS SHOW RESPECT TO YOUR IN-LAWS AND NEVER GIVE THEM A REASON NOT TO LIKE YOU

Respect and value their differences of opinions, religion and perspectives on life. You will always find with in-laws, they have been around longer than you and sometimes feel that they know more than you. They sometimes want to give you advice even in areas you do not want it. This advice could be about children, money, etc. In a gentle way, let them know that you love them and will at times share information with them. However, should they invade your home, and go through your bills, etc, you would need to put your foot down immediately. On occasion, stand in their shoes and see what they are offering from their perspective and make an effort to understand their point of view.

3 NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH!

Sometimes, one of the problems with your in-laws is that they do not consider you good enough for their son/daughter. On one occasion as I was coaching a client on this particular challenge, she said to me “I feel I am dammed if I do, and dammed if I don’t! I don’t understand why they don’t like me.” The client was feeling very unwanted and found she was always looking for ways of gaining approval from them. In a situation like this, one of the first steps is for you and your spouse to stand united. He/she must communicate to your in-laws that you both come first in each other’s life. When in the company of your in-laws, do not allow them to be disloyal in what they say about your spouse. Should they start to say something derogative, immediately stop them in their paths. Soon, when your in-laws realise that neither of you will allow them to say anything negative, they will then slowly start to accept you.

4 USE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOUR

It is always easier to deal with your in-laws if you have a sense of humour. It is sometimes easier to laugh things off. Nobody can hurt you or annoy you, unless you give them permission. This calls for a certain amount of discipline, emotional intelligence and sometimes a change of attitude.

When someone says something hurtful to you, immediately ask yourself the following:

> Is it valid what they are saying?

> Take time to reflect on what has been said

> Then RESPOND – never re-act. When you react to something that is said by another, you give that person “power over you”.When your in-laws realise they are not receiving any reaction from you, they might ease up on their snide remarks as they are not getting the reaction they wanted.

5 DON’T TALK NEGATIVELY ABOUT YOUR IN-LAWS IN THE PRESENCE OF CHILDREN

If children are around, never talk about your in-laws in a negative way. Remember children are like sponges and they take in and remember everything they see and hear and can often repeat what they hear. Should they repeat any negative comments you might have made in a state of anger about your in-laws, this certainly could damage your relationships with your in-laws.

6 ANCHOR A SIGNAL FOR YOUR PARTNER

Should you get on very well with your in-laws, then visiting them can be a pleasure for both of you. However, if you do not look forward to visiting your in-laws and only do so out of duty and loyalty to your partner, then both of you must decide to limit the amount of time you spend in their company. Decide that when you are ready to leave, you change the way you sit, or you touch your hair in a certain way. Vary the signal from time to time, so that your in-laws don’t catch on.

7 ALLOW YOUR SPOUSE OR CHILDREN TO VISIT YOUR IN-LAWS WHENEVER THEY WISH

For whatever reason, you might not want to be around your in-laws, always allow your spouse or children to visit them. By doing this, you avoid developing more hostility between all of you. Do try and continue to have a relationship with your in-laws, as a lot of the time, it is something in their mind, beliefs and thoughts that they need to sort out and nothing to do with you. Relationships change all the time, and one day they might begin to accept you.

8 DON’T WASTE ENERGY ON TRYING TO CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE AS YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF

Although, at times you wish your in-laws would change, you must only focus on changing yourself. Maybe, change your attitude towards them. Offer to help them, when the occasion arises. Little by little, by valuing the differences in each other, you could establish a loving and respectful relationship with them.

As the founder of the Coach Centre in Dublin, Mary Curran has over nine years experience in the field of coaching.

Ever considered the health of your bones? No matter whether you’ve hit 40 or not, looking after your bones should be a top priority for all ages

If you’re in your 20’s or 30’s, probably the last thing on your mind is the state of your bones. No doubt you think that bone health and conditions like osteoporosis are the sole concern of women your grandmother’s age.

But think again – new figures in the UK show that one in five women under 30 could have thinning bones. It’s something that can often be prevented or reversed with the right lifestyle and dietary choices.

Learn about bone health

It’s never too early to start looking after your bone health and it’s particularly important during your 20’s and early 30’s as bone is still being built up during those years.

You need to go into your middle years with good bone health because after the age of 35, your bones start to naturally become thinner at a rate of between one and two per cent a year.

As you approach menopause, your loss of bone mass increases to around five per cent a year for five to seven years – this is caused because your oestrogen levels (oestrogen is the hormone that is good for bone health) drop off.

Osteoporosis is often called the silent disease because bone loss occurs without symptoms. It only becomes a reality in many people’s lives when they fracture a bone after falling over.

“If you have low bone density, it significantly increases your risk of fracture when you fall over,” says Professor Moira O’Brien, President of the Irish Osteoporosis Society and Ireland’s leading expert on bone health.

“If you have osteoporosis, there is an increased risk of breaking bones or breaking your hip and that can severely limit your mobility and quality of life, especially in later life.”

Prof O’Brien says that people are still largely unaware of what they should be doing to help their bone health.

“It is particularly important to inform young people about this issue and I know that they brought osteoporosis onto the curriculum for the Leaving Cert Home Economics exam this year, which is a welcome move. People should know the risk factors for thinning bones and if they have two or more of them, they should get a DEXA scan.”

Why do some people have thinning bones?

There are categories of people who have a higher risk of developing osteoporosis or osteopenia (the condition that is the precursor to osteoporosis).

These include anyone with low body weight or a history of an eating disorder, people who have mobility limitations, anyone with a close family history of osteoporosis and anyone who has had an early menopause or hysterectomy (because they have had low levels of the female hormone oestrogen). People who have inflammatory bowel diseases such as coeliac disease or Crohn’s disease can also develop osteopenia and osteoporosis.

But experts are increasingly concerned that thinning of the bone is happening in younger people due to lifestyle choices that they’ve made. It’s known that heavy drinkers and smokers are risking their bone health.

Dieting too much, not eating enough calcium, being stressed and not exercising enough are also linked to thinning bones.

A recent study carried out by the University of Surrey and the Royal Cornwall Hospital found that nearly 20% of UK women aged between 20 and 29 were suffering bone loss. This is alarming as that is the decade when bones should be at their strongest.

Professor Moira O’Brien says she believes the figures would be roughly the same in Ireland but says it is an area that is largely being forgotten about by medical researchers.

“We really need to have more studies so we can see what the scale of this problem is – it’s only later on that we start to see cases coming through,” she says.

Helping bone health

Looking after your bones doesn’t mean you have to be a complete goody goody but it does mean practising moderation with certain things and making sure you are generally in good health.

For people who are diagnosed with thinning bones or osteopenia (which can lead to osteoporosis), there are steps they can take to try and increase their bone density. Learning that you have thinning bones is a good thing as you can take positive action to change things around.

Here are some tips to make sure your bones are in tiptop shape:

> Eat wisely – try to have a balanced diet and make sure you eat enough calories to balance your daily activities.

> Adopt a diet rich in calcium and Vitamin D.

> Exercise – try to do weight bearing exercise for 30 minutes every day. This includes walking, running and dancing. It’s also important to do some weight lifting – don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be heavy-duty weights!

> Kick unhealthy habits – smoking, excessive alcohol intake and high caffeine intake can all take a toll on the health of your bones.

Further reading

Osteoporosis: The Silent Epidemic by Marilyn Glenville

Exercise for Strong Bones by Joan Bassey and Susie Dinan

MORE INFO

The Irish Osteoporosis Society lo-call 1890 252 751

Visit www.irishosteoporosis.ie.

What makes a star? Emma Parkin meets Monica Loughman, Ireland’s most celebrated ballerina, to find out.

In the heart of Dublin’s city centre, Easy Health has assembled a crack team of super cool photographer, stylist and make-up artist. The pressure is on; we are here to shoot the first cover star of our new, revamped magazine and have yet to meet our star, Monica Loughman, Ireland’s prima ballerina . The moment we meet her it’s clear the shoot will be a breeze  – she’s startlingly pretty and puts the whole team at ease with her wry sense of humour and genuine personality.
One of Ireland’s premier dance stars, 33-year-old Monica Loughman has enjoyed an exceptional career to date.  Hailing from Santry in Co. Dublin, Monica began her ballet training aged four.

In the heart of Dublin’s city centre, Easy Health has assembled a crack team of super cool photographer, stylist and make-up artist. The pressure is on; we are here to shoot the first cover star of our new, revamped magazine and have yet to meet our star, Monica Loughman, Ireland’s prima ballerina . The moment we meet her it’s clear the shoot will be a breeze  – she’s startlingly pretty and puts the whole team at ease with her wry sense of humour and genuine personality.

One of Ireland’s premier dance stars, 33-year-old Monica Loughman has enjoyed an exceptional career to date.  Hailing from Santry in Co. Dublin, Monica began her ballet training aged four.

A: In short, yes it could have repercussions on your health if you smoke them regularly. They also contain more nicotine and carcinogenic tar which is absorbed in the mouth and can cause head and neck cancer and lead to dental disease. Why not just buy him a gift of a cigar or find another way to impress him – by going the extra mile at work perhaps?

Q: I have never had a girlfriend. I think it is because I am Extremely shy and have huge difficulty approaching girls. I have always found it tough talking to new people. My job doesn’t require me to be outgoing but I would love to shake my shyness. What can I do?

A: You can feel assured that shyness is something everyone feels at some stage in their life. Even confident people go through periods of being shy, even if they don’t admit it. To begin with, perhaps it is better to tackle the shyness before you launch into looking for a girlfriend. Importantly, you are seeking an answer which means you are doing something about it. If the shyness you have is excruciating, have a think about seeking professional help which can help you to reduce anxiety and work on behaviour that might help you in your personal life.

I’m loathe to say ‘get a hobby’ because this is a quick fix solution. However, perhaps you have a friend or someone you trust with whom you could share social experiences. Focus on being with that person in simple social situations; talk to each other about anything you can think of and gradually, even if it takes many social outings, think about your surroundings – the interior of buildings, the weather, the people, a park. Most people are worried about the same things anyway so don’t feel that you’re on your own. Eventually, try talking to other people.

In the Consumer Publishing Division we publish EasyFood and Easy Health & Living, both Ireland’s highest circulating magazines in their respective categories. New consumer title Easy Parenting is set to launch in May 2011.

In the Custom Publishing Division we create, design and produce bespoke content for nine blue-chip clients – ESB, Bord na Mona, United Drug, Pharmacare, Aviva, The Rehab Group, Arthritis Ireland, Irish Cancer Society and the Environmental Health Officer’s Association. The content is delivered across a number of platforms, ie. magazines, catalogues, e-zines, digital editions, books, branding & marketing materials.

In the Zahra Events & Awards, Zahra Publishing is the official goodie bag provider for Ideal Home Shows – April & October 2011, Xposé Live Shows – May & November 2011. The Easy Food Home Cook Hero awards will take place on the 18th of November 2011.

For The Recipe Lab, we develop, test and photograph recipes for leading brands, eg. John West, Unilever, Heineken and the Irish Rugby Union Players’ Association. The recipes are used for brand websites, packaging and cookbooks.

Zahra Digital – recently developed an app for Easy Food. It was the number one Lifestyle app over the Christmas period. Also develop digital editions of magazines for clients.

Zahra Publishing donates 10% of its profits to Zahra Helps Foundation, an Irish charity that does work in Vietnam and South Africa. The Zahra Helps Foundation was set up to support education, health and infrastructural projects in South Africa & Vietnam.

Serves 2
1 tbsp olive oil
250g pork, cut into strips
1.5 inch piece of fresh root ginger, grated
1 garlic clove, crushed
1 red pepper, cut into strips
2-3 spring onions, sliced
1 small red chilli, diced
2 tsp soy sauce
1 tsp sesame oil
1 tbsp white wine or rice vinegar
Salt and pepper
300g straight to wok noodles
Handful of fresh coriander, to garnish

1 Heat a wok or large pan until very hot. Add the oil and swirl in the pan until well coated. Add the pork strips and stir-fry for 3-4 minutes before adding in the ginger, garlic, pepper, spring onions and chilli and cooking for another minute.

2 In a separate bowl, mix together the soy sauce, sesame oil, vinegar, salt and pepper. Pour over the stir-fry before adding in the noodles.

3 Toss all ingredients together until well combined and cook for 2-3 minutes until the noodles are cooked through. Top with the coriander and serve.

For more recipes like this, go to www.easyfood.ie and get busy in the kitchen!

Retirement is something that you have probably eagerly anticipated for the majority of your working life – leaving the rat race and finally exploring the true loves of your life. Yes, it sounds fabulous but the reality can be less appealing. Going through this major life transition can trigger a huge amount of stress. When you retire, choose a different route, by incorporating easy-to-follow tips into your new lifestyle.

Keep physically active

The most notorious side effects of retirement has to be physical deterioration. People who work enjoy a guaranteed minimum of activity, as they have to travel to their places of employment and then perform the required activities for the day. This is especially true of people who have active jobs, such as construction or firefighting. After retirement, it’s essential for these people to find a physical activity or sport to replace that level of activity they no longer have. Depending on where you live, this can be something as simple as joining the local tennis club or walking group.

Find part time work

Just because you’ve left full-time employment doesn’t mean you have to stop working completely. Finding something to do, even if it’s just for a few hours a week, will keep you busy and help you feel useful. It can also be a good way to earn some additional income and stretch your savings pool.

Explore your interests

Now is the time to take up painting, pottery or a musical instrument; in fact, anything that you have always wanted to do but never had the time for! It’s also a great time to garden or involve yourself in an outdoor activity – keeping your mind alive and refreshed.

Form new friendships

As you retire, your chances for everyday contact and stimulating conversation with others naturally decline. While before, having a social network was a given, thanks to your work colleagues, now it’s important to expand your circle by joining clubs or volunteering once a week.

Share your expertise

During your career, you have built up a wealth of knowledge that is hugely beneficial to those trying to make it in your chosen field. Find a way to share your knowledge with others, either by becoming a tutor, teaching a night class or becoming a mentor.

Travel

Expand your horizons by travelling. If your finances don’t permit journeys traversing the globe, take economical road trips or get to know your local area with a fresh eye.

And finally…

Take care of yourself.

You might be tempted to rid yourself of all schedules, but it is hugely important to stay healthy and happy by eating nutritious meals and getting plenty of sleep every night.

Advice

Sue Russell from Age & Opportunity has the following advice. “At Age & Opportunity, we believe that the key to a successful retirement is to stay involved, get connected and to think creatively. Staying involved with friends, family and neighbours, having good connections through a variety of activities and keeping those creative juices flowing by trying new things, will all help to ensure good mental and physical health and well-being.

For those who have found that their self-confidence has taken a bit of a knock, Age & Opportunity have developed an Ageing with Confidence programme. It provides a social and supportive setting for people to discuss their experiences while building confidence and giving encouragement to keep in touch with the wider community.”

More info

www.ageandopportunity.ie

www.silvercircle.ie

Modern life can be stressful and Irish men seem to have become increasingly susceptible to stress and other mental health problems. Large numbers of Irish men suffer from stress, but often in silence. Irish men are slow to seek help with mental health issues, including stress. This may be for many reasons, including ignorance, fear, embarrassment or the perception that admitting to being stressed in some way implies inadequacy or weakness. It goes back to the attitude that ‘real’ men don’t go to the doctor and that big boys don’t cry. Unfortunately, this type of attitude does nothing to help Irish men or their loved ones.

Is stress harmful?

The precise mechanisms that govern the interactions between stress and ill-health remain poorly understood. However, it is felt that chronic stress can affect the quality of the immune system, causing the body’s own natural defences against illness to be lowered. One possible explanation for this is that prolonged job stress may affect the nervous system. Another possible reason for this is the fact that chronic stress may affect the body’s hormonal balance and result in a weakened immune system.

Chronic stress is a risk factor for heart disease. Research has found a link between chronic stress and the development of heart disease, type 2 diabetes and metabolic syndrome. Metabolic syndrome is the presence of three or more of the following five factors: high blood pressure, central obesity (excessive abdominal fat), raised blood fat (triglycerides), low HDL cholesterol and raised blood sugar.

Chronic stress is also associated with many other medical conditions, including:

> Irritable bowel syndrome

> Migraine

> Psoriasis

> Tension headaches

> High blood pressure

> Some cancers

> Depression

> Hair loss

> Diabetes

> Ulcers

> Burnout

> Heart disease and stroke

Stress and heart disease

Chronic stress – or rather distress – is thought to be a risk factor for heart disease in later life. Anger and hostility can be powerful emotions with the potential to trigger a heart attack. The link between stress and heart disease is complex and not fully understood. If you feel stressed, your body will produce more stress hormones. Although they are useful in small quantities, too much of these hormones, continuously and over time, can damage your arteries and may lead to high blood pressure. Also, when life becomes pressurised, people are more likely to smoke more cigarettes, drink more caffeine, drink too much alcohol and be less physically active. All of these things can contribute to heart problems.

The Type A personality

‘One man’s meat is another mans’ poison’, as the saying goes. What’s stressful to one man may be all in a day’s work for another. The difference appears to lie in our perceptions of various events. It is felt that personality can play a major role in how we perceive and cope with stress. Many factors influence and shape our character. These include a large inbuilt or genetic component. We have our own unique temperament when we are born. This is further influenced by our life’s experiences, which affects our individual way of thinking, feeling and behaving. This is your personality. Men with ‘Type A’ personalities, for example, tend to be in a hurry, ambitious, time-conscious and driven. These traits, if not properly managed, can create stress-related illnesses. On the other hand, men with ‘Type B’ personalities are much more relaxed, and less time-conscious and driven. Type B personalities are better able to put things into perspective, and think through how they are going to deal with situations. Consequently, they tend to be less prone to the adverse effects of stress.

Burnout

Burnout is a term used to describe someone who is completely mentally and physically exhausted. Chronic stress can cause burnout, so that a person becomes emotionally exhausted and feels a strong lack of personal accomplishment. There are many early warning signs of burnout:

> Chronic fatigue – exhaustion, tiredness, a sense of being physically rundown

> A sense of being besieged

> Anger at those making demands

> Self-criticism for putting up with the demands

> Cynicism, negativity and irritability

> Losing your temper easily over seemingly trivial things

> Feelings of helplessness

> Increased degree of risk-taking

> Physical symptoms, which may include frequent headaches, gastrointestinal

disturbances, weight changes, sleep disturbance and symptoms of depression

Stress busters

The good news is that there are several things you can do to stay healthy and reverse many of the negative effects of stress in a surprisingly short amount of time, with a few relatively minor lifestyle changes. Men who cope best with stress seem to have these things in common:

> A sense of being in control of their lives

> A network of friends or family to provide social support

> Personality traits like flexibility and hopefulness

There is no doubt, a healthy lifestyle can protect against the adverse effects of stress. A good, regular exercise programme, combined with a healthy diet and adequate relaxation time, can be a great counterbalance to a stressful job. Getting enough sleep and maintaining a positive outlook are also important for overall health.

Stress busting tips

Stress management is a life skill which we men can learn. While there is no such thing as a one-size-fits-all solution, the following list of stress busters can help combat the adverse effects of stress.

1 Talk about your feelings

This can be difficult for us men as it’s often something we find hard to do and may have little experience of.

2 Don’t bottle up your emotions

Learn to express and talk through your feelings. Writing your feelings down can be an excellent way of letting off steam, even if the letter gets shredded at the end.

3 Breathe

The first step is to breathe. Many men breathe shallowly but by taking time to pause and take deep breaths, you can settle your nerves, focus your mind and calm down faster. Next, realise that the things causing your stress are not threats to you but rather, situations you can handle. Many men let their problems overwhelm them to the point where they view everything pessimistically. Analyze what is causing your stress and instead of letting it eat at you, be positive and strategise what steps you need to take to offset it.

4 Move

Exercising can also be a positive way to push stress out of your mind. When you’ve physically exerted yourself, the last thing on your mind is whatever is troubling you. Many men can find relief in jogging, doing pushups, lifting weights, or swimming. Follow that up with a nice shower and a healthy meal and you’ll be able to take on anything.

5 Do yoga

One of the most popular types of exercise for reducing stress is yoga, which will tone your body as it calms your mind. The best way to get started in yoga is through a class with an experienced instructor that can make sure you are performing all of your positions correctly. Once you have mastered the basics, you can continue your yoga programme at home with the help of DVD.

6 Lay off the booze and cigarettes

Avoid excessive drinking and/or smoking. While these may seem to make your stress go away, it actually harms your body, which can add to the physical strain that stress can cause. Instead, turn to water, fruit juices or smoothies and lay off the smoking. When your mind and body feel good, your mental clarity will improve as well.

Symptoms and signs of stress in Irish men

Your relationships and your performance at work, at home and in the bedroom can all be affected by excess stress. Telltale signs of stress building up include some or all of the following symptoms:

> Feeling tense – this may include a knot in the stomach or neck and shoulder tension

> Feeling sweaty or having a dry mouth

> Being unable to make decisions

> Reduced work performance

> Sleep disturbance

> Loss of enjoyment of food

> Loss of interest in hobbies

> Being irritable or impatient, short-tempered or snappy

> Constipation and/or diarrhoea

> Increased need to urinate

> Feeling tired all the time, fatigue

> Heartburn

> Headaches

> Being more withdrawn, less sociable

> Having a constant need to stay busy

> Increased alcohol intake

> Erectile dysfunction

Real life stress story

49- year-old Eugene Fleming from Waterford suffered a heart attack. One evening after work, he felt a pressure in his chest. He thought it was heartburn at first or that he’d pulled a muscle. But as the evening went on and the pressure continued, he thought “this isn’t right”. So at 3am, he rang the Care Doc and told them he thought he was having a heart attack. The doctor said, “He said it was down to the pressure of what I do – not my work, but socially I’m heavily involved in the organisation of a soccer club. I was totally stressed out.” Eugene used to be a smoker for about five years smoking 25 cigarettes per day. But he has now been off them 16 years. He also has a strong family history of heart disease – his dad had a quadruple bypass and his uncle had heart problem too. He said, “I blame stress. Looking back, I didn’t realise how stressed I was.” Eugene has since been fitted with two stents and when he was in hospital, he was told he had had a heart attack eight months previously and he never knew it! Again, he thought it was heartburn.

Eat these to beat stress

Bananas

They also help the body to create melatonin, which promotes calmness and helps you get a good night’s sleep.

Milk

Minerals in milk can help keep your blood pressure down to a healthy level. Milk is also a great source of protein.

Beef

Steak is packed full of zinc, iron and B vitamins, which helps to even out your mood throughout the day.

Oil-rich fish

Research has shown that ingesting a decent amount of omega-3 fatty acids can reduce angry feelings by 20%. Go for oil-rich fish such as salmon, mackeral and sardines.

Spinach

Spinach is a rich provider of the B vitamins which help produce ‘feel good’ hormones.

Box:

Further reading

The Male Stress Survival Guide: Everything Men Need to Know (Dr. Georgia Witkin, Newmarket Press – www.amazon.com

For further information on reducing your stress see the Irish Heart Foundation’s website www.irishheart.ie or call their Heart & Stroke Helpline on 1890 432 787.

While a good cut with lots of layers, will help oomph up fine hair, there are a few tricks you can use to revive hair that’s lost its volume during the day. Simply flipping your head over and running your fingers through your hair – and a spritz of hairspray into the roots – will help. If you’re heading out after work, wear long hair in a high ponytail during the day and pull out the elastic when you’re ready to go. Again, some hairspray (underneath, not on top) will help keep hair volumised. We like: Elnett Hairspray, which is available in most supermarkets and pharmacies.

Just Browsing

Often overlooked, or horribly abused, eyebrows are actually one of the most defining features of the face. When brows are properly shaped and groomed, eyes seem bigger and brighter; the effect can be almost like a facelift! The first step to the perfect brow for your face is to have them shaped by a professional. Then it will be just a case of maintenance. Bonnie Turkington of Metro Medi Spa at TONI&GUY, 44 Clarendon Street, Dublin 2 (tel: 01 671 4403) says “One hair can make a big difference to the eyebrows and can damage the whole shape. That is why it’s a ‘must’ to consult a brow specialist rather than trying to pluck or wax them into shape yourself. Don’t pluck or take hairs out from the eyebrow length and always remember, the longer the eyebrow the bigger and more beautiful the eyes.”

An expert can also show you how to fill in gaps and define with pencils (for a natural effect, use light quick strokes to mimic the look of real hairs) or powder (better if you tend to be a bit heavy handed with a pencil). And always keep brows groomed. An old mascara wand or toothbrush makes for a handy brow brush and you can keep them smooth with a touch of lip balm or, for stubborn hairs that won’t stay down, run a little soap through them with a toothbrush.

Q: My 32-year-old wife lost her job last year. She has gone from having a high salary and high profile job to nothing. She’s been on the dole and spends her time on online and drinks during the day. It’s affecting our relationship badly and I can barely cope myself . I am under pressure in work and I really don’t know how to deal with this problem. I just want to help her.

Ans: I am sorry to hear that life is proving most difficult for you and your wife at this time . I know that this is a stressful time for you, in particular, and that you may feel like venting your frustration on your wife but this is the last option you want to take under these circumstances!

This is a time that your wife needs help, she needs you to point her in the right direction in a gentle, caring way. In her current mind frame, she is vulnerable. She has lost her job and with that her sense of self. It is also a time you need to be proactive in trying to help her set some realistic goals in order to get her back on her feet. In her frustration, she probably has no interest in going outside the house and may feel that no employer is interested in looking at her résumé, let alone offering her an interview.

Consider asking a good friend of hers or a family member to intervene, as sometimes taking advice from someone we are emotionally attached to is the most difficult thing to do! She may even resent you for still having your job, so tread carefully, giving her time and space and utilising the supports you both have, be it family or friends. The following tips may help to get your wife back on track.

Coping with unemployment strategies

> Take good care of yourself. It’s important to consciously pay attention to your physical, mental and social well-being at this time. This involves ensuring you are eating well, not drinking excessively, keeping physically active and maintaining contact with friends and family. Developing positive habits can play a major role in regaining self confidence and moving ahead. When you do get a job, you want to be in good shape for it.

> Reach for support. We all need to share our burdens, when we do, our problems can seem less difficult. Talk to your family and friends with the issues you are facing. Their care and support can help you cope. They can offer valuable suggestions and may even assist you in your search for a new job, updating your CV etc.

> Ask for help. If you feel too over whelmed, talk to your GP about other supports. Job loss can affect your health so it’s important to act early if you are feeling the stress and strain is getting too much.

> Organise your day. Establish a daily schedule including a regular time for job search activities.

> Set daily goals. Go for a walk, go to the library, and call a friend.

> Use your networks. Tell everyone you know what kind of work you are looking for, and ask if they know of any jobs or any companies that employ people with your skills. Remember, many people get their jobs through ‘word of mouth.’

> Keep busy and stay active outside your home. Isolating yourself at home will not get you a new job and can lead to additional mental and emotional stress.

> Reward yourself on a regular basis for your efforts. Build in opportunities for fun and laughter. Meet your friends, bake delicious cakes, go out for walks, discover your locality.

> Make a plan. Before you go to bed, prepare a written plan for the next day. It will give you a reason to get up in the morning.

> Consider a career change. Check into new career opportunities or the possibility of continuing your education.

MORE INFO

www.mentalhealthireland.ie

www.unemployedireland.com

Blindsided: Financial Advice for the Suddenly Unemployed – Edie Milligan, Alpha.

www.amazon.com

SEND US YOUR QUESTIONS

Email all your health questions to: mindhealth@easyhealth.ie