Dr. Trina Read answers all your sex questions
Q: How do I tell my man that his bad breath ruins my mood?
A: Sadly, I believe, a big reason couples lose their desire to kiss passionately is a lack of attention to their (bad) breath. Yet, bad breath is one of those ‘darned if you say something and darned if you don’t’ predicaments.
Sometimes subtle tactics work; hints like, offering a stick of gum, sprig of parsley or whatever breath freshener is available. However, most people pick up on this and will probably get defensive and walk away in a huff – breaking the (already broken) mood.
You need to ask yourself: is your guy’s bad breath a once in a while thing or is it chronic? If it is the latter, a trip to the dentist may be in order. Otherwise it means having a gentle chat that acceptable breath isn’t only for his work environment.
Remember, it’s a big motivation for him to know fresh breath equals you feeling more romantic.
Then show him this trick: When he wants to get romantic, simply lick the inside of his wrist and sniff. If he does not like what he smells, he immediately needs to do something to alleviate the situation.
Sex Tip
Make sure to keep something like a pack of Listerine PocketPaks at your bedside table when things start heating up. You will both have minty fresh breath and things will stay heated up.
Q: I’ve recently had a miscarriage. We want to start trying to get pregnant again but I’m really scared.
A: Of course you’re scared. You’ve just been through a big ordeal and ‘getting back on that horse’ is fraught with a lot of emotion. At this crossroads, you have two choices: your heartbreaking experience can bring you closer, or it can start to subtly pull you two apart.
Here’s how to bring you closer
First, make sure to talk to each other. Understandably, it’s challenging because it’s easier to ignore, or pretend like it never happened. Instead, discuss these two things:
• How has your miscarriage affected your relationship?
• How has your miscarriage affected how you feel about sex?
Next, appreciate your partner’s perspective. While you’ve had a front-row seat from day one, he has been sitting in the wings watching the drama unfold. It’s hard for him to fully understand what you are going through emotionally.
Make sure you’re a good sounding board for him. You’re probably the only person your husband can talk to and he might feel alienated if his feelings are ignored.
Finally, take it slow. Load up on intimacy: baths together, massages, glasses of wine while listening to music. This will, hopefully, make it much easier to move back into baby-making sex.
Sex Tip
Only by communicating, grieving and then making motions to move forward can your relationship not hang in post-miscarriage limbo.
Q: I feel so self conscious about being ‘loose’ during intercourse. What can I do?
A: Kegels, Kegels and more Kegels.
Every muscle group in your body needs to be exercised in order to maintain tone and strength. This includes your vagina muscles, known as your pubococcygeal (PC) muscle group. If not exercised, your PC muscle will eventually become slack and atrophy, causing a lack of sensation around your vaginal opening.
The good news? Daily Kegel exercises help make for bigger, better orgasms.
> First, you must locate your PC muscle:
> Sit over a toilet and start a flow of urine. > Half-way through, stop the flow
> Concentrate on what muscle you used to stop the flow – that is your PC muscle.
Here’s how to do two different Kegel exercises:
The Squeeze and Release Exercise
Contract your PC muscle for three seconds, let them rest for three seconds. Do ten times per day.
The Flutter Exercises
Squeeze and release as quickly as possible. Rapidly squeeze and release ten times. Do three sets per day.
It’s normal for your PC muscle to tire out easily at first.
Do your Kegels while in the shower, brushing your teeth, commuting to work, waiting at stop lights, exercising or listening to your favourite music.
Sex Tip
Some postmenopausal women find Kegels help them to maintain lubrication, as the daily exercise increases blood flow to the vaginal area.
SEX SURVEY
eh&l conducted a sex survey of 66 women and found out the following interesting information:
73% of those surveyed said that sex is very important to their relationship.
36% have sex on average two to three times a week.
59% have experienced periods of low libido/non-interest in
having sex.
Only 1.5% of people have ever sought medical help or counselling for sex problems.
52% would talk to their partner if they were going through a phase of low libido but only 9% would talk to their friends and family about it.
The top three things that impact most negatively on sex life are:
1 Fatigue
2 Stress
3 Low body image
Foreplay is important to 93% of the women surveyed
27% of women admit to watching porn with their partner.
Box:
SEND US YOUR QUESTIONS
Email Trina your questions about sex to sexquestions@easyhealth.ie
Regular TV and radio guest, author, sex coach, international speaker and magazine columnist, Sexologist, Dr. Trina Read’s mission is to show couples how to have fun, fresh and meaningful sex. Check out Trina Read’s new book Till Sex Do Us Part: Make your Married Sex Irresistible. www.trinaread.com
